(sometimes I try to type other words and then words that I don't intend come out. That's what happened with this journal title. I was trying to write "update" and "yoda" came out, so fuck it, "yoda" is the title of this journal)
I'm writing this from Texas because I failed and I disappeared for half a year again, or at least two months now. Part of that is that I've been at home, where we have virtually useless internet at the moment, because someone's been cheating us/bad reception/etc. all that sort of stuff. It's complicated and expensive. Ridiculously so. On the up side, the solar panels are working and the cat count is still at 15, but on the down side I uuuaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I think the last time I posted a journal, I was talking about folks being dead? I am too tired to go check, so I will assume that is where I left off. But basically, my mom's SO died very soon after my grandmother did, I went to college for spring semester to find out I might be on the autistic spectrum a little bit and my classmates are douchebags (or at least really, really bad at picking up the social cues I KNOW I WAS SENDING OUT BECAUSE I SPENT A LOT OF TIME BEING DRILLED ON THE SOCIAL CUES I MISSED) and I like everything about college except for my classmates. Which is. You know. Unfortunate, considering it's my classmates I have to live with, rather than my teachers. But I'm going to stop talking about that before I get upset again because I've been trying to be able to get angry about things in the moment instead. Like being able to stand up when people are saying rude or uncalled for things, instead of just talking about them afterwards on the internet, wishing I'd spoken up.
BUT ENOUGH OF THAT wow I monologue easily at 2AM haha
so I'm in Texas. Grandmother's dead, been so for a few months now, and we've got the whole family together for one last attempt at having the whole family together. Grandfather's doing pretty good atm all things considered, he has a lot of people out here helping him out, and my little cousin is all grown up and I'm going to try to go see her first ever theater performance tomorrow! (is this what being a proud relative is like? maybe I will leave everything to her in my will. I'm trying to very quietly give her reassurance that it's normal for people to do "weird" things like girls liking video games and friends being hard, lgbtqia shit, racism, etc. Just in case. Because it's Texas and as much as I love Texas, there's not very much support for those sorts of things around, and I don't want her growing up feeling uncertain or shunning people. I remember last year I got to meet one of her newer parental figures? But we got to talking religion in the mall and she got nervous because we couldn't talk about that sort of thing in public. And I'm over here like "I would not have survived Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia" because I keep fucking talking about things like that. )
So that's tomorrow, on Sunday more things are happening, including gettting back on the airplane I literally just got off of, rushing back through two airports and then driving for five hours to get back home so that I can wake up tomorrow in time to go to work. I've already missed one day for this trip, and even though I know it's necessary, it's just still sort of like.... these were really the only two weeks this camp could work out? Really?
But it's two AM and I'm exhausted for once, and I'll probably stay awake a while longer, but I just wanted to get this journal out there I guess since I finally have a chance and someone on tumblr reminded me that I have beeennnnnn um not here. Basically.
I especially feel bad because the comic hasn't been updated in so long and I'm certain I've lost any readers I once had, haha.... but once I hit exam week and then got home to bad internet it just didn't happen, I don't know.
I'm going to do Camp NaNoWriMo this coming months; I don't have my cabin assignment yet but I'm going to do a scary 30,000 word story about cats so we'll see how that goes in the midst of everyhting else that's going to be happening soon.
maybe I'll update more again at some point. I've got like a few more months of premium membership (I feel like I squandered it by disappearing, I'm so sorry TheLostHype!! ) so I'll probably do another one of those 'features' I did last time when my membership was about to run out. But maybe more often. It was fun, but I'd have to do it while I actually had internet. I'm still mad about our home internet situation. Like. I have been stressed out about so much over the last few months that the internet situation just feels like the final straw that is breaking my back. All this and then I can't even be online how I want to most of the time, you know?
in other news, a few months ago during I think the tail end of the school year while at home, I had a dream about my brother. Apparently, heaven is nice, but boring, so he pays visits occasionally.
If someone's lost someone recently, maybe that'll be some sort of comfort. Heaven is nice, but just dull enough to make you still seem like a viable option.
In book news:
Finished American Gods again.
Read Anansi Boys for the first time.
I'm shattered, because I looked up fic for them, and there are NO Anasi Boys fic, let along Anansi Boys / American Gods crossovers with Fat Charlie and Spider meeting Shadow. Do you know how badly I wanted that fic? I wanted that fic a whole heckuva lot.
While in the airport today, I also bought The Book Theif. So mom and I were both reading our upsetting WWII books on the airplane. I'm about halfway through it and saving the rest for the return flight. With any luck, this won't go the same route that The Things They Carried went and leave me crying in the middle of being checked for being a terrorist.
(in terrorist news, the airport confiscated the swiss army knife I use for peeling oranges and opening coke cans. However, they neglected to take the rusty nail I found in the barn yard, stored in my bag, and forgot about. Um. Airplane security????????? )
I hope everyone's doing better than I am in general. Like. I'm doing all right but in general I hope that everyone else is doing better. Take care; sorry again I vanished for so long, I'll do what I can again to not vanish so suddenly again.